The Paradox of Abstention
Puppets: Barnabas, Olivia, and Fodder
People: Kids
[Barnabas, Oliva and Fodder are all up front]
Barnabas: Buenos días boys and girls. How is everybody today?
Olivia: Hid kids. It’s good to see you all here this morning. Hi Fodder.
Fodder: Gooood morning Methodists! Whaat’s happenin?
Barnabas: I’d tell you what’s happening. But I can’t.
Fodder: Why not?
Olivia: [Disgusted] Because he’s abstaining.
Fodder: Abstaining from what?
Barnabas: From everything.
Fodder: Everything? Even ice cream?
Barnabas: Except that.
Olivia: He read a book.
Barnabas: Not just a book. I read Dr. Marvin Shaw’s book. And I’m trying to follow its principles.
Fodder: By abstaining.
Barnabas: Yup. And it works.
Olivia: [Disgusted] Yah right. He was asked to do the dishes last night and he said he couldn’t, that he was abstaining. So now he has to do them all week.
Barnabas: See? It’s just as the book says. Sometimes when you want something, it’s better to abstain than really try to get it. And somehow, by abstaining, you get what you wanted anyway. The Paradox of Abstention.
Olivia: What are you talking about? You didn’t want to do the dishes for a day, let alone all week. Are you nuts?
Barnabas: I abstain from answering that question.
Fodder: Then how about this one: [Incredulous] Don’t you know that Professor Shaw’s book is called the Paradox of Intention, not the Paradox of Abstention. The actual paradox is that when you really want something, it’s often better not to try to get it. And then somehow, you still often end up with it. It has nothing to do with abstention…You didn’t really read it did you?
Barnabas: I intended to….but after looking at the author’s picture on the back flap, I decided to abstain.
Olivia: [Shouting] And I’m going to abstain from this whole puppet show in a minute. We’re supposed to be having a celebration today. For the teachers. It’s Teacher Appreciation Sunday!
Barnabas: I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t shout so much.
Fodder: She really should abstain from shouting.
Barnabas: [Excited] Hey. Maybe it’s the paradox, the actual paradox, what you said, the paradox of intention. Olivia doesn’t intend to shout, but then, being Olivia, she can’t help it. But maybe if she actually tried to be really annoying and loud, then maybe she wouldn’t be.
Olivia: Well I never.
Fodder: Hey, all this paradox and teacher appreciation stuff gives me an idea. Maybe I could write a book, like Professor Shaw, and I could call it…the Paradox of Appreciation.
Barnabas: Oooo. Sounds good. And we could sell copies to all the teachers—for Teacher Appreciation Sunday. What’s it about?
Olivia: Well, I never.
Fodder: It’s, it’s, it’s about how one of the best ways to show people you really appreciate them…is not to.
Olivia: This is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.
Barnabas: Hmm. So the less that we visibly appreciate someone, the more we actually do appreciate them. I think I know some married couples like that.
Fodder: See kids? So every week that goes by that you don’t thank your teachers, or give them a hug, or bring them flowers, or tell them that they are important…or that you learned something, or had fun that day…means…that you really appreciate them all the more. Hmm. Does this sound as dumb as I think it does?
Olivia: Dumber.
Barnabas: I’m thinking most of the book buying world is going to abstain from purchasing this book of yours. Except for rude people.
Fodder: Hmm. Now what?
Olivia: How about if instead of thinking about writing books, we just do something normal for a change.
Fodder and Barnabas: Writing books is normal.
Olivia: Ok then, after we’re done here, you can write a book about how wonderful our teachers are, but in the meantime, [Shouting] LET’S JUST TELL THEM.
Barnabas: [To Fodder] She’s doing it again.
Fodder: But she is right. OK kids. Turn around. And teachers, know this: these kids do love you, and we all appreciate what you do for them, how you share your time, how you share yourselves, how you share Jesus. And we hereby resolve to tell you so as often as we can.
Olivia: Now, all those in favor say “aye.” [Wait]. Opposed? [Wait]
Barnabas: Abstentions? Then the motion carries. Thanks teachers.
All: Now, is this a great day or what?
People: Kids
[Barnabas, Oliva and Fodder are all up front]
Barnabas: Buenos días boys and girls. How is everybody today?
Olivia: Hid kids. It’s good to see you all here this morning. Hi Fodder.
Fodder: Gooood morning Methodists! Whaat’s happenin?
Barnabas: I’d tell you what’s happening. But I can’t.
Fodder: Why not?
Olivia: [Disgusted] Because he’s abstaining.
Fodder: Abstaining from what?
Barnabas: From everything.
Fodder: Everything? Even ice cream?
Barnabas: Except that.
Olivia: He read a book.
Barnabas: Not just a book. I read Dr. Marvin Shaw’s book. And I’m trying to follow its principles.
Fodder: By abstaining.
Barnabas: Yup. And it works.
Olivia: [Disgusted] Yah right. He was asked to do the dishes last night and he said he couldn’t, that he was abstaining. So now he has to do them all week.
Barnabas: See? It’s just as the book says. Sometimes when you want something, it’s better to abstain than really try to get it. And somehow, by abstaining, you get what you wanted anyway. The Paradox of Abstention.
Olivia: What are you talking about? You didn’t want to do the dishes for a day, let alone all week. Are you nuts?
Barnabas: I abstain from answering that question.
Fodder: Then how about this one: [Incredulous] Don’t you know that Professor Shaw’s book is called the Paradox of Intention, not the Paradox of Abstention. The actual paradox is that when you really want something, it’s often better not to try to get it. And then somehow, you still often end up with it. It has nothing to do with abstention…You didn’t really read it did you?
Barnabas: I intended to….but after looking at the author’s picture on the back flap, I decided to abstain.
Olivia: [Shouting] And I’m going to abstain from this whole puppet show in a minute. We’re supposed to be having a celebration today. For the teachers. It’s Teacher Appreciation Sunday!
Barnabas: I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t shout so much.
Fodder: She really should abstain from shouting.
Barnabas: [Excited] Hey. Maybe it’s the paradox, the actual paradox, what you said, the paradox of intention. Olivia doesn’t intend to shout, but then, being Olivia, she can’t help it. But maybe if she actually tried to be really annoying and loud, then maybe she wouldn’t be.
Olivia: Well I never.
Fodder: Hey, all this paradox and teacher appreciation stuff gives me an idea. Maybe I could write a book, like Professor Shaw, and I could call it…the Paradox of Appreciation.
Barnabas: Oooo. Sounds good. And we could sell copies to all the teachers—for Teacher Appreciation Sunday. What’s it about?
Olivia: Well, I never.
Fodder: It’s, it’s, it’s about how one of the best ways to show people you really appreciate them…is not to.
Olivia: This is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.
Barnabas: Hmm. So the less that we visibly appreciate someone, the more we actually do appreciate them. I think I know some married couples like that.
Fodder: See kids? So every week that goes by that you don’t thank your teachers, or give them a hug, or bring them flowers, or tell them that they are important…or that you learned something, or had fun that day…means…that you really appreciate them all the more. Hmm. Does this sound as dumb as I think it does?
Olivia: Dumber.
Barnabas: I’m thinking most of the book buying world is going to abstain from purchasing this book of yours. Except for rude people.
Fodder: Hmm. Now what?
Olivia: How about if instead of thinking about writing books, we just do something normal for a change.
Fodder and Barnabas: Writing books is normal.
Olivia: Ok then, after we’re done here, you can write a book about how wonderful our teachers are, but in the meantime, [Shouting] LET’S JUST TELL THEM.
Barnabas: [To Fodder] She’s doing it again.
Fodder: But she is right. OK kids. Turn around. And teachers, know this: these kids do love you, and we all appreciate what you do for them, how you share your time, how you share yourselves, how you share Jesus. And we hereby resolve to tell you so as often as we can.
Olivia: Now, all those in favor say “aye.” [Wait]. Opposed? [Wait]
Barnabas: Abstentions? Then the motion carries. Thanks teachers.
All: Now, is this a great day or what?
posted by Marvin at 5:24 PM
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