Love Handles, by Marvin Lansverk
Puppets: Barnabas, Fodder, and Grant
People: Kids
Props: Blown up balloon on a string; scissors; small cup and something to sprinkle water with; incense smoke captured in a pot with a lid; 3 socks for the puppets’ heads
[Barnabas, Grant, and Fodder are up front, Fodder in the middle. Barnabas has the props in the prop bag]
Barnabas: Buenos dias boys and girls. How is everybody today?
Grant: Sunday salutations.
Fodder: Goooood morrrrninng Methodists. Whaat’s happenin?
Barnabas: I’ll tell you what’s happening. I’ve been thinking. [Fodder and Grant give Barnabas a weird look.] About the meaningfulness of church, of spirituality, and life—and all that. [Pause]
Grant: And what did you conclude?
Barnabas: That we need more.
Fodder: More church…or more life?
Barnabas: Does it have to be one or the other? I was thinking more…both…and.
Grant: And?
Barnabas: And that maybe one of the best ways to get…more…is to…do more.
Fodder: More what?
Barnabas: More of this [Make sign of the cross, in benediction fashion]. And this [Sprinkle water on everyone]. And this. [Release incense from a pot].
Grant: [Peering suspiciously into pot] You didn’t really bring that pot of oatmeal you burned at breakfast, did you?
Barnabas: It’s incense: You know, as in [singing] “let my prayers rise up, as incense before you.” What I mean is, we need…more ritual. I think life—like this puppet show—would be more meaningful, if it contained more…ritual.
Fodder: O…K…?
Barnabas: So I hope you don’t mind, but I’ve decided to include some today.
Grant: Fire away.
Barnabas: Good. [Barnabas puts socks on Grant’s, Fodder, and his own head].
Fodder: [Deadpan] Socks…on…heads.
Barnabas: This is the part of the puppet show where we put the ceremonial tubular vestments on our pates.
Grant: But these are socks.
Fodder: And they’re too tight.
Barnabas: Meaningful ritual isn’t designed with scalp comfort in mind.
Fodder: [Scoffing] Meaningful? This doesn’t mean anything—except perhaps that if someone here develops a hole in their socks, it won’t matter, because we’ll have spares.
Barnabas: [Officiously] It means that the puppet show has begun. [Pull out scissors and start to cut string on balloon.]
Grant: Now what are you doing?
Barnabas: Ah. We’ve come to the point in the puppet show where we release the ceremonial balloon. [Bat balloon down into the crowd of kids]
Fodder: [Exasperated] Why?
Barnabas: It’s symbolic.
Grant: Symbolic? Of what?
Fodder: That he’s too cheap even to buy helium. Aren’t released balloons supposed to fly up and away.
Barnabas: [Pause]That’s Superman. This ceremonial balloon signifies the cutting loose of our sins that weigh us down—like a ball and chain. See, there they go. [Kids start to bat balloon around] [Aside] (Hey. Stop that. Stop playing with my sins.)
And next…
Grant: Wait a minute. Don’t you think that’s about enough ritual. All we’ve done so far is ritual. So much ritual that we haven’t even had any time for the actual puppet show yet.
Barnabas: Ah, but when done right, you shouldn’t be able to tell the difference.
Fodder: [Dryly]That explains it.
Barnabas: Huh?
Fodder: Anyway, I think Barnabas is right. It is time for the final ritual element.
Grant: [Looking at Fodder] Oh, yeah. I believe this is the point in the puppet show where we do this. [Both grab Barnabas and stuff him into the incense pot and slam the lid]
Barnabas: Huh. Hey, let go. Stop that. What are you doing?
Fodder: It’s the point where we get so tired of you driving us crazy that we take bold and dramatic action.
[Lift lid and peek in] Now listen up. [Slam lid. Then lift lid and speak again] Ritual is more than doing weird things and announcing that you’re doing it.
Barnabas: It is?
Grant: Religious rituals develop over years and years, and gain meaning through widespread use and acceptance.
Barnabas: They do?
Fodder: Besides, you can’t just do stuff, with no context, no preparation, no real explanation, and assume it will add meaning to anything.
Barnabas: That’s where you’re wrong—incense breath! [Come jumping out of pot—perhaps breathing out some of the smoke] I finally...got a handle on it...while thinking there in the dark inside the pot. You can! If what you do isn’t just… newly invented weird ceremonial stuff. That is, if it is love stuff.
Fodder and Grant: Love stuff?
Barnabas: Love stuff! You can go around just doing that: helping people, putting your faith into action, going on mission trips, helping your neighbor, showing love. That’s what really adds meaning to life.
Fodder: Exactly! And we can all make…doing good…and showing love…part of our daily rituals, part of our daily life—so perfectly integrated that there isn’t a difference! That’s what Jesus was all about. That’s what we should all do more of.
Grant: And they’ll know we are Christians by our love.
Barnabas: And they’ll know the puppet show is finally over because we said:
All: And now, is this a great day, or what?
People: Kids
Props: Blown up balloon on a string; scissors; small cup and something to sprinkle water with; incense smoke captured in a pot with a lid; 3 socks for the puppets’ heads
[Barnabas, Grant, and Fodder are up front, Fodder in the middle. Barnabas has the props in the prop bag]
Barnabas: Buenos dias boys and girls. How is everybody today?
Grant: Sunday salutations.
Fodder: Goooood morrrrninng Methodists. Whaat’s happenin?
Barnabas: I’ll tell you what’s happening. I’ve been thinking. [Fodder and Grant give Barnabas a weird look.] About the meaningfulness of church, of spirituality, and life—and all that. [Pause]
Grant: And what did you conclude?
Barnabas: That we need more.
Fodder: More church…or more life?
Barnabas: Does it have to be one or the other? I was thinking more…both…and.
Grant: And?
Barnabas: And that maybe one of the best ways to get…more…is to…do more.
Fodder: More what?
Barnabas: More of this [Make sign of the cross, in benediction fashion]. And this [Sprinkle water on everyone]. And this. [Release incense from a pot].
Grant: [Peering suspiciously into pot] You didn’t really bring that pot of oatmeal you burned at breakfast, did you?
Barnabas: It’s incense: You know, as in [singing] “let my prayers rise up, as incense before you.” What I mean is, we need…more ritual. I think life—like this puppet show—would be more meaningful, if it contained more…ritual.
Fodder: O…K…?
Barnabas: So I hope you don’t mind, but I’ve decided to include some today.
Grant: Fire away.
Barnabas: Good. [Barnabas puts socks on Grant’s, Fodder, and his own head].
Fodder: [Deadpan] Socks…on…heads.
Barnabas: This is the part of the puppet show where we put the ceremonial tubular vestments on our pates.
Grant: But these are socks.
Fodder: And they’re too tight.
Barnabas: Meaningful ritual isn’t designed with scalp comfort in mind.
Fodder: [Scoffing] Meaningful? This doesn’t mean anything—except perhaps that if someone here develops a hole in their socks, it won’t matter, because we’ll have spares.
Barnabas: [Officiously] It means that the puppet show has begun. [Pull out scissors and start to cut string on balloon.]
Grant: Now what are you doing?
Barnabas: Ah. We’ve come to the point in the puppet show where we release the ceremonial balloon. [Bat balloon down into the crowd of kids]
Fodder: [Exasperated] Why?
Barnabas: It’s symbolic.
Grant: Symbolic? Of what?
Fodder: That he’s too cheap even to buy helium. Aren’t released balloons supposed to fly up and away.
Barnabas: [Pause]That’s Superman. This ceremonial balloon signifies the cutting loose of our sins that weigh us down—like a ball and chain. See, there they go. [Kids start to bat balloon around] [Aside] (Hey. Stop that. Stop playing with my sins.)
And next…
Grant: Wait a minute. Don’t you think that’s about enough ritual. All we’ve done so far is ritual. So much ritual that we haven’t even had any time for the actual puppet show yet.
Barnabas: Ah, but when done right, you shouldn’t be able to tell the difference.
Fodder: [Dryly]That explains it.
Barnabas: Huh?
Fodder: Anyway, I think Barnabas is right. It is time for the final ritual element.
Grant: [Looking at Fodder] Oh, yeah. I believe this is the point in the puppet show where we do this. [Both grab Barnabas and stuff him into the incense pot and slam the lid]
Barnabas: Huh. Hey, let go. Stop that. What are you doing?
Fodder: It’s the point where we get so tired of you driving us crazy that we take bold and dramatic action.
[Lift lid and peek in] Now listen up. [Slam lid. Then lift lid and speak again] Ritual is more than doing weird things and announcing that you’re doing it.
Barnabas: It is?
Grant: Religious rituals develop over years and years, and gain meaning through widespread use and acceptance.
Barnabas: They do?
Fodder: Besides, you can’t just do stuff, with no context, no preparation, no real explanation, and assume it will add meaning to anything.
Barnabas: That’s where you’re wrong—incense breath! [Come jumping out of pot—perhaps breathing out some of the smoke] I finally...got a handle on it...while thinking there in the dark inside the pot. You can! If what you do isn’t just… newly invented weird ceremonial stuff. That is, if it is love stuff.
Fodder and Grant: Love stuff?
Barnabas: Love stuff! You can go around just doing that: helping people, putting your faith into action, going on mission trips, helping your neighbor, showing love. That’s what really adds meaning to life.
Fodder: Exactly! And we can all make…doing good…and showing love…part of our daily rituals, part of our daily life—so perfectly integrated that there isn’t a difference! That’s what Jesus was all about. That’s what we should all do more of.
Grant: And they’ll know we are Christians by our love.
Barnabas: And they’ll know the puppet show is finally over because we said:
All: And now, is this a great day, or what?
posted by Marvin at 12:43 PM
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